After some thought, I've decided to call 2014 the year that I reached my bullshit limit.
Bullshit limit meaning that one day I got up and realized I was doing things I didn't want to do, in a place I didn't want to be.
...We dont love where we live....We dont have enough time for the things we want to do anymore....This is bullshit....Let's move.....We'll figure it out along the way.
And that, my friends, is the conversation that started it all.
I took all the rules and pretend boundaries we as parents (and mostly just 'we' as humans) put on ourselves, and kicked them to the curb.
All these fake rules and boundaries like:
You're not supposed to move your child unless you absolutely have to. It's hard to make new friends.
What are you going to tell them you're doing, you need a plan B?
You're leaving a good job?!?
You'll never get with a good insurance by yourself.
What about school, Zuri will be behind, right?
How will your kids feel secure?
Unless you have x amount of saving you shouldn't be taking such risks.
You know, when kids feel unstable they start acting out.
Moving right before a baby will be too hard.
Moving right after a baby will be too hard.
Moving is hard.
Blah blah blah. The list continues.
But who comes up with these anyways? Why do we all play into these ideas? It's like ancient folklore or old wives tales. It's something to talk about when people fear the unknown. But these ideas are not real, unless you're the one making them real.
Plus, I've found that if I am open, honest, attentive, and loving to my kids, family and friends then things usually end up working out. The big things do, at least. The rest truly doesn't matter.
There were, and always will be, a million and 1 fear based reasons to just keep doing what you've always done because you know it works. But where's the fun and adventure in that? Living a life you're not in love with because you're too afraid of change doesn't feel like living at all to me.
So we left the amazing full time job with wonderful benefits just 6 weeks before I was due to deliver our new baby boy, Ozzy (whom I must properly introduce in another post coming shortly. He's so awesome that he most definitely deserves his own). We moved into our families basement and sent all our belongings 12 hours away to a storage pod near the vicinity we think we want to potentially end up. Zuri started full time school in Utah, then 3 weeks later I had a baby. 5 weeks after the new baby, we threw a freaking Lantern festival in the Mojave Desert where 11,000 people showed up. 11,000! It was kind of amazing to say the least and is now the largest Lantern festival in the world.
Along the way we took people for their word. We got burned a few times but for the most part have we continue to find that people are good, and timing in this life is impeccable. We made a lot of mistakes. We took risks. Bronson lost jobs, gained others. I juggled kids seamlessly, and then had moments where I truly felt as though I was drowning in motherhood and all my children's needs. My marriage and personal life had flourishing times and then periods of complete and utter despair.
This. is. life.
What I've rediscovered this past year is that to love someone is to know them. All of them. The good the bad the ugly. And I promise you this: That if you understand someone....and I mean truly get to understand, then it will become very hard for you to hate that person. If you're having ill feelings towards anybody, I urge you to talk to them. Not at them. To them. Get them to open up and tell you their life story. Be a trusting ear....Not a judging one. You will find a love for the person you thought you hate. Test it.
So it's now 2015. I have fewer answers to the questions I had in 2014, and only more questions. Nothing is for sure. Life can change at the drop of a dime and it's silly for us to think anyone is actually in control. But I do know this:
I've decided I want to create a life I don't have to vacation from. And Im not going to stop until I feel like we get there.
Come at me, 2015.