I think I am emotionally ready to share this embarrassing story that has kept me from blogging for about 3 weeks.

Thursday, October 28, 2010

Aren't Verizon stores nice?! Well, the one me and my small family of 3 went to a couple weeks ago was especially nice since it was located on Rodeo Drive around the corner from shops like Louis Vuitton, Gucci and other fabulous la-de-da stores that just make me feel uncomfortable.

It was time to finally make the switch from AT&T to Verizon because this mama was sick of paying the outrages phone bill every month, so, as we were on our way to the store to pick out new phones Bronson was literally pouting/whimpering about getting rid of his Iphone.

This was where the problem started.

I was so preoccupied with trying to make my un happy husband pick a stupid non Iphone phone, that I kind of ignored all Zuri's little nudges, pulls, and attempts to get my attention.

Here's problem number 2:

We had been in the store for about 15 minutes so everyone and their dog (literally...there was a dog in the store) loved and commented on how cute Zuri was. By this time we had picked out phones and were at the counter trying to square away all the details.

This is when I noticed mud tracked all over.


that was my only thought.

and then i looked closer.............

ewwww! that dog pooped everywhere! I mean EVERYWHERE! I start saying out loud how disgusting it was and that I have a child playing on the floors, so the owner should take it outside.

And then.......... I notice corn and black beans.

Dogs don't eat mexican...?

ummm....uhhhhhh. Did we? Yup....we definitely had mexican chili earlier today.

CRAP! I grab Zuri and secretly check her bum....OHH NO! How can this be?????!

She definitely pooped in her big girl underwears, and it definitely fell out her big baggy pants, and she has definitely been stomping around in it for minutes without me noticing.

Problem #3

I look at brons.....he looks at me.....in silence we agree to pretend it wasn't our child.

PLEASE DONT JUDGE US! We dont know why we came to this silent decision together...maybe it was because we had just made a scene about the dogs owner not being responsible...or maybe were just severely messed up. I dont know?

So, from here I ask if brons has everything under control at the counter and let him know Im walking to McDonalds to "grab a snack" and then, I simply walk out.

Were in the McDonald's bathroom and I practically bathe zuzu in the sink.
 I throw her little mermaid underwear away in the trash, and a homeless lady living in the McDonald's bathroom chews me out-Thankfully I couldn't understand her, and had too much else on my mind to care about anything she is saying to me.
All I really remember about her is that Zuri called her "ebil see witch ersellla" (Ursala the evil sea witch) and she didn't want to go back in the bathroom....this is bad.
"And why?" you ask....You'll find out in a minute.

We make our way back to the Verizon store and in my mind I'm 100% sure the mess will be picked up....so, I am stunned to find white paper towels scattered everywhere when we walk back in.
We, and everyone else in there, are jumping and leaping over paper towel covered poop. Like every 2 feet in every direction is smeared, or balled, or logged poo!

My daughters poop!

I practically run out of the store....there wasn't a chance in hell I could stay in there with all her poopoo covered mounds all over the place, and I think I was too stubborn to stop the "this poop isn't my daughters" act.
It had been like 20 minutes....I couldn't just all of a sudden start picking it up....ahhhhh! I have anxiety even remember this! it was the worst!

So, now were stuck outside. Zuri is scared of the evil sea witch Ursala in the Mcdonalds bathroom so we cant go to Mcdonalds-everywhere else is closed.
There we are... on the side of the road.... its night......its lightly drizzling.....its cold, yet I'm sweating with anxiety and embarrassment, and I honestly can't believe bronson is in there...all alone...with the poop.

He finally comes out an hour later and tells me:

He's paid and walking out the door when the manager taps him on the shoulder.

Their conversation went down like this...

manager: Sir, do you mind picking up after your baby?

Bronson: ohh, my wife checked. It wasnt her. Its not her poop.

manager: Well, an associate of mine saw her defecate, then proceeded to trample the feces around the store.

Bronson: uhhhh, ok Ill clean it.

Then the manager handed him Lysol and a scrubby brush, and turned without another word.

ugghhhhhh oh no!
the thought of this makes me close my eyes and scream like Im about to go down a roller coaster. its such deep pitted embarrassment that we didn't even talk about it for at least 24 hours after the "incident" happened. It took days to even start to laugh it off and after a month its finally hilarious. thank goodness!

I learned some lessons from this experience, the most valuable being to always use princess pull-ups when leaving the house.

Ive always been an old soul

Saturday, October 2, 2010

Please don't be surprised when the next time you see me I seem to resemble this old gem above.

You see...I enjoy comfy pants near my bellybutton these days,
and apple cinnamon herbal tea.

I just spent an hour researching vitamins and minerals for my health, and signed up for an online book club because the thought of reading all day long literally puts a smile on my face.

My biggest outings and plans for the next week all revolve around walking down my hall, hoping into the elevator... and going 4 flights up to lounge around the roof top-hopefully wearing a comfy knitted shall.


...all these things added up together means I am 23 years old going on 72.

zuzu lady

This is what we're doing to entertain ourselves lately.

By the way....if you feel annoyed by the amount of times I say "hey Zuri.." in this, then you're not alone. I wanted to puke on myself when we watched the footage afterwards, but its about the the only way I can distract this mini munchkin from her favorite episode of Scooby Doo.


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