I've been avoiding myself lately, and I miss me.
We've lived in SF for just 5 weeks now and its so strange. It feel like we've been here for forever and then just for 2 days all in the same moment. It's like I can't get a grip on time lately...
From the minute we unloaded our U-haul into our new house we have hit the ground running and haven't stopped since.
Zuri started school right away, Husband is swamped with new work, we joined this amazing fitness club that the kids, Brons, and I all love, and we have made such great friends right off the bat.
Our house almost immediately turned into our home.
It's not supposed to be this easy---I know from experience. I've moved countless times, I went to 10 different schools growing up and I feel like I know the ins and outs of moving emotions. So far, none of the sad emotions have happened yet.
I'm so grateful for all of this because its been a great distraction. I've missed all the grandparents being in ours and our kids everyday lives, but I haven't missed Utah hardly at all yet....And then I realized that I'm on pins and needles waiting for this horrible aching and longing to be back in Utah to happen.
I purposely have been so busy with every ones schedule everyday that I haven't given myself the time I need to process that my whole life is different---and that I like it better---and that liking it better is OK.
Its kind of like I feel guilty to for being happy...? Like I almost want to minimize my happiness because something like this is supposed to be a little difficult.
I don't know what any of this means--and maybe it doesn't really mean anything at all. Addressing it, for me at least, just helps me move on and not avoid this part of myself anymore. I can finally stop anticipating the sadness that I keep thinking is going to come any day, and just move on.
I'm ready to finally plant some roots.
Ahhhhh its like I can breathe deeper---I always feel better after I throw up whats bouncing around in my head. And you, my lovelies, would be the toilet in this analogy...receiving all my word vomit.
Thanks for catching it.