here it goes.... more mind vomit.

Monday, February 11, 2013

I just realized something....

I've been avoiding myself lately, and I miss me.

We've lived in SF for just 5 weeks now and its so strange. It feel like we've been here for forever and then just for 2 days all in the same moment. It's like I can't get a grip on time lately...

From the minute we unloaded our U-haul into our new house we have hit the ground running and haven't stopped since.

Zuri started school right away, Husband is swamped with new work, we joined this amazing fitness club that the kids, Brons, and I all love, and we have made such great friends right off the bat.

Our house almost immediately turned into our home

It's not supposed to be this easy---I know from experience. I've moved countless times, I went to 10 different schools growing up and I feel like I know the ins and outs of moving emotions. So far, none of the sad emotions have happened yet.

I'm so grateful for all of this because its been a great distraction. I've missed all the grandparents being in ours and our kids everyday lives, but I haven't missed Utah hardly at all yet....And then I realized that I'm on pins and needles waiting for this horrible aching and longing to be back in Utah to happen. 

I purposely have been so busy with every ones schedule everyday that I haven't given myself the time I need to process that my whole life is different---and that I like it better---and that liking it better is OK. 

Its kind of like I feel guilty to for being happy...? Like I almost want to minimize my happiness because something like this is supposed to be a little difficult.

I don't know what any of this means--and maybe it doesn't really mean anything at all. Addressing it, for me at least, just helps me move on and not avoid this part of myself anymore. I can finally stop anticipating the sadness that I keep thinking is going to come any day, and just move on. 

I'm ready to finally plant some roots.

Ahhhhh its like I can breathe deeper---I always feel better after I throw up whats bouncing around in my head. And you, my lovelies, would be the toilet in this analogy...receiving all my word vomit.

Thanks for catching it. 


  1. We moved to New York from Atlanta and it hasn't been easy for me. I miss everything about Atlanta. My friends, my family, my job, our apartment location. Just everything. I wish I could complain about not wanting to be so happy. You are blessed. Don't feel guilty. Just take the happiness you feel and go with it haha I would love to be in your shoes. [both literally and figuratively] :)

  2. I have been following your blog for a couple months now, and I feel like we have been on similar journeys. My husband and I just moved from Missouri to Arizona... away from my whole family, including my niece and nephew that are my life! Yes, I have had times where I REALLY miss my family, but I have no desire to move back there. We have a sense of peace living here, way more than I ever expected.

    I think it's great you love where you are! I know the feeling of feeling guilty for being happy, but I also know that it's is OK to be happy!

    Thanks for opening up and sharing your thoughts... I really appreciate it!

  3. Nothing wrong with being happy in your new home! Happy for you that the move and adjustments went so well!

  4. Im glad your mind vomit is actually enjoyable..this is proof that not everything goes by the book, given the situation and environment everyone deals with change differently! Fortunately for you, everything seems to have fallen into place! You. Go. Girl.

  5. Hi Weslie, Really enjoy your blog and even though I don't feel like we have tons in common, I enjoy your heart and your perspective! I have family that moved to the Bay area and have loved it from the word go even though they were very rooted in their life before. It must be a special place. Hope to visit someday! Happy for you to have such a special and sweet time in your life. It may be just what you've needed. You are sending out alot of positive stuff and it looks like you are getting some back!

  6. So I was reading this other blog and it reminded me of yours a bit haha

    I love her honesty about motherhood loll if your bored check her out :)

    xx JJ

  7. i feel the same way. i just moved and keep waiting for a homesickness induced breakdown. hasn't happened yet. we must be happy. :)


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