Big, Ole', Nakey Booty

Friday, March 1, 2013

aye....It's been one of those extremely long weeks and today has been the cherry to top if off....But before I get into today...

You all know we've had family over for the last 2 weeks. First my family, then the very day they left, Bronson's family arrived. Some people may think this as the worst thing ever, but we hit the family jackpot and loved having both sets back to back.

What I haven't loved is adjusting my two crazy kids and myself back to regular life after all our guests hit the road.

They have been wild to put it mildly.

Zuri and Remi got used to 24/7 activities and endless people to hold them and play with them over the last 14 days, so on the morning of every ones departure and Bronson leaving to work, I was there.... all alone...with my mini monsters.

I had no idea what was coming.

Immediately they were clingy, needy, bored, hungry-the list goes on. They don't feel bad letting me know boring I am, either.

Well, I take that back. ZURI has no problem voicing to me how dull I am, but Remi chooses to express her boredom feelings by becoming the messiest, craziest 17 month old ever.


I mean EVER. Like in the history of children, Remi Christensen, my baby girl, has become the messiest.

So, here I am....Dealing with 2 insane children with a mess I can't ever seem to catch up on, and a damned To-Do list that I wish I could drop kick away from me.  Honestly, I walked into the kitchen where it sat on the table this morning and caught of glimpse of it----I said every horrible swear word ever created in my head and walked out.

I'm literally hiding from my To-Do list, so to get away from it, I go the gym. I got a good work out in....I steam roomed, got ready, finally felt a little refreshed and not so grumpy, so I decide to get the girls out of the kids care and take them to the pool.

We see the pool and put our toes in for awhile, then its time to get Remi home for a nap. My gym bag is still in the locker room so we have to go in and get it.

I usually don't bring the girls in the locker room because every one is naked. EVERYONE!  I'm 25 and had a hard time not laughing and/or being completely awkward for my first 2 weeks going there-so how can I expect my 4 year old to keep a straight face, too? The answer is, I don't. That's why I avoid it.

But there was no getting around it this time. They had to go in, so I warn Zuri before hand.

"Zu, there are lots of girls in here getting ready, and showering and stuff like that.... There are grandmas and moms and every ones really nice.....and they're all nakey. But its OK cause were all girls, so keep your eyes on mom and don't stare at any ones nakey booty, K?"

Exact words. I think.

So we go in and take the long walk to my locker....To my surprise, a gathering of  older women has decided to plant their nakey bums right by my locker to chit chat. I see Zuri's eyes widen and look at me like, what the...???, but she doesn't say anything and I hurry to get all my stuff.

While I'm messing around with my locker and gym bag, the women see the girls and and talk to them about their grand kids etc----I honestly don't really know what they were saying, but all of a sudden someone asks Zuri if she likes it here  [meaning the gym] and Zu decides to say:

"Well, ya. But, my mom told me to not look at any of your big ole nakey booty's....sooo uhhh, BYE!"


big, ole', nakey booty's?!?!?!?!?

I was out of there like a bat outta hell.

She quite possibly chose the 2 most horrible words to describe someone bum ever....old and big.

And the whole crazy part about it was that none of these ladies bums were that old or that big. AT ALL! That's just what we could call Remi's bum when she had a huge badunkadunk.  She weighed 22 pounds and I'm sure 12 of those pounds were in her big, ole' booty---so that's what called it.

A big ole baby booty!

But how could I possible explain that to all these nice ladies? I didn't.

So, we left and everytime I think of it I can help but bust my gut laughing so hard, and my face is still turing red from it.

........ugh, I'm praying that this incident is the end to my bad week.


  1. i just died laughing. i love your stories.

  2. Oh my gosh TOO funny, Weslie!

    Hope you have a relaxing weekend:)

  3. this is why God made kids cute

  4. Haha! Hilarious! Love the things kids say.

  5. haha, love this! so adorable :)

    i'm a new follower!

  6. Oh my goodness! This story is hysterical and hearing these stories (you probably won't believe me) makes me want to become a mother even more! Thank you for sharing!

  7. I'm loving your blog! That is too funny! In pre-school, I told my teacher that she was a little pig butt, because that is what my parents lovingly called me sometimes. She was not amused.


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