Falling out of grace

Friday, April 18, 2014

It's very clear to me all of a sudden how far I've fallen from myself over the last year.
I can't say when or how this happened. It's been happening so slowly that I didn't even realize anything was really changing, but overtime I stopped being my best self. I have felt private, bored, un-inspired, uninterested...the list goes on. And it's not me. 

 I think it took a round of earth shattering, rock-bottom-hitting sickness to wake me up from the comfortable trap I've created for myself....and the hard part about this is that once you're awake-you stay awake. 

Awareness is a double edged sword, isn't it? Once you know better then  you do better, right? The flip side of this is that you have actually have to change your behavior.  

If the only constant in this life is change, then why is it so damn hard? Why is it scary? Why does it feel like a huge burden to get everyone around you to accept your change? 

I read the other day about a friend of mine, Jenna (you can follow her journey on Instagram. Username: JennasKitchen), who is changing her diet for the better.  She's eating whole food and cutting out the crap while documenting it, and feeling so healthy and amazing. Yet certain people are giving her flack. Not everyone of course, but it's clear that people are uncomfortable with her change (even though it's obviously a change for the better) and have voiced their opinions. They're uncomfortable with her bettering herself and her family because it's different than what they're used to. 

She said something poignant.

She sees that this push back towards her healthy lifestyle change from certain people is fear driven. It's not that they want her to fail, or to be unhealthy, but people are afraid of what they don't know. 

How will this affect our friendship? Will we be able to hang out as much? What if she wants me to change? 
You get it. Fear driven. 

Change sparks fear. 

It sparks fear in me. But just as much as I know I need routine, I absolutely know I need adventure.  I know I need to laugh more... To be silly more. I know that the work:life ratio in our house has been seriously out of whack for the last year, and I know that we, as a family, need to find a way to spend more quality time together. I know I need to exercise, meditate, and eat healthy daily. 

So I'm getting back to these basics. This is my starting point. 

It's making waves. I'm not going lie, but I can't help of thinking of my two little girls seeing me day in and day out. I have one shot only at being a good example to them. I get no do overs. I will never get Zuri at 5 and Remi at 2 again.  What's truly best for them is being my best me--at all times. 

So, I'm doing this. 

Wish me luck. 

...and energy!

          

17 comments:

  1. Love this! I'm right there with you!!

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  2. It's awesome that you have the desire and persistence to live a healthier lifestyle (as I sit here eating mini Cadbury eggs). I think along with fear there is a lot of guilt that comes from people who wish they could do what you are doing. Best of luck to you!

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  3. You're inspiring, thank you. I really needed to read something like this today.

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  4. first off, you are the cutest pregnant gal there is. secondly, this post is something i can relate with, having had a crazy year with lots of changes. sometimes it's really scary to be yourself, because that person isn't what people want (or in my case what my ex-fiance wanted) but i'm more empowered than ever, and feel the happiest i've ever been even with all the crap thats surrounding me. cheers to you lady, amen.

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    1. thanks cat! and good for you...you can never go wrong following your soul, even if it rocks the boat.

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  5. This is amazing!! You're an example to us all. Xoxoxoxo

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    1. you are, michelle! but thank you!

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  6. Weslie!
    I just have I say that I feel like my soul must already know yours because otherwise I just can't explain why I feel like your thoughts and feelings always spark something so strong in me and are so aligned with my own. What you said at the beginning about overtime you stopped being your best self and you don't even realize it happening, well that makes me cry because I've had that same evolution myself recently. Im usually such a positive, excited and inspired person but somehow overtime I've also become bored, uninspired and overcome with fear. I too am such a routine kind of girl but then comes an intense need or adventure and creative fulfillment to balance that out for me. It's like I'm not me anymore when that balance is off.

    I'm reading a book right now where the author discusses how people, women specifically, deeply need connection with others and to feel like they aren't the only ones who feel a certain way. And you, you sweet, darling person, have done that for me tonight. I feel less alone in my feelings and I thank you for that!

    We really should be friends in real life but I'll settle for this crazy and strange social media cyberspace world, LOL ;)
    @thesamantha_

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    1. awe thank you!!! id love to read the book youre reading! what is it called??

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    2. The book is called "I thought it was just me, but it isn't" by Dr. Brene Brown. It taught me so much. I feel like I quote it all the time. Such a great read. Hope you enjoy it. :)

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  7. Thank you for writing this. I have gotten myself into a rut and I'm working on changing it for the better, this has helped motivate me even more. It's the fear of change that keeps holding me and maybe others back but I am ready for things to get better. Our change will lead to better things.

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    1. fear sucks. i think its 80% of whats wrong in everyones life....scared of losing something, scared of making someone mad, scared of the unknown, and being scared of how others perceive you. if all those were eliminated think of your potential? its endless!

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