Meet Hilda

Thursday, May 8, 2014

I have an ego.
A big one.

You do, too.

We all do.

How we channel our ego is what differentiates us from being either huge a**holes, or pleasant people.

*side note: I've been doing a lot of reading on introverts. The subject is fascinating to me because I only recently found out that I am one. I've always had the misconception that being an introvert was a negative thing when in all actually, it's a pretty powerful and positive trait. You see, itroverts lack a certain need to have everything they think and say be validated. They simply know what they know, and other peoples opinions don't sway them.

I used to think 'introvert' meant that you're shy, don't communicate well, aren't on and so forth. I was groomed into thinking this all throughout childhood and adolescents because you hear from parents, teachers, and coaches to stand out from the crowd. To get up and say something! Join the group! Be outgoing! Get involved! Don't be shy! Shine!

Remember all these?

So when these principals of extreme outgoing-ness go against your nature, and you are pretty content just chilling by yourself---you tend to think something is wrong with you. Surely only people that are loud and boisterous are successful. Only the people who are brave enough to stand up and open their mouth are worth listening to, right?

Meh? This is iffy for me still. I'm not sure I buy into it.

Regardless though, I have pushed and continue to push myself out of my comfort zone throughout my whole life. In high school I went way beyond my comfort zone and became the school's MC.   I would be the one standing in front the entire school at assemblies and pep rallies hyping up the crowd by chanting things like, "Zero 6! Zero 6!"

Did I care about being the center of attention? Nope, not one bit. I hated it....still do.  It makes me want to barf and my face turns bright red. That's the real me. My true inner self.

Hi. My name is Weslie, and I like books and exploring new places, and being in front of people evokes bodily reactions in me. Nice to meet you. 

-But I couldn't barf and be a tomato face in front of 3 thousand of my peers.
 So, I had to become someone I wasn't. I had to pretend to actually like that sort of stuff. I had to create a piece of me that was really excited about the year 2006 for some reason, then jump up and down with a huge smile on my face. 
 I had to find that person within myself just so I didn't puke all over the gymnasium floor.

And voila! Meet my ego. I feel like it's  time to name her.... She seems like a Bridgette. Or a Hilda. 

I like Hilda. 

So, Hilda gets rowdy. Hilda gets in peoples faces when push comes to shove. Hilda gets in front of her high school and she's also the one in front of the camera lens. Hilda gets jealous and anxious. Hilda can be mean. Sometimes Hilda thinks she needs things she actually doesn't to make her happy. But most importantly, Hilda just gets shit done. 

She gets things done fast, and she gets them done efficiently, too. She's not afraid of anyone or anything.

My natural soul is such a lovey dovey, vibey, spirit junkie that it would be really easy for me to dismiss myself from society entirely. I could run around in scarce clothing on some far away hill with my kids and be totally content for forever.  So do you see how I need Hilda?  Not everyday....but she's a vital part of my introverted real self. She balances me out.

For Example: two days ago I went to Target. I was handing the clothes I had tried on back to the Target worker and my kids were by the cart. Long story short, a lady came up and started scolding Remi for taking off her shoes...It was obvious this woman had no idea I was these children's mother, and that I was watching her verbally go nuts on my kids. All of a sudden, this lady started reaching for my daughters hand with the shoes in them. She couldn't get her shoes because Remi moved away, so she aggressively grabbed Remi's arm. I mean aggressively.  

A freaking stranger put her hands on one of my terrified children.

I saw red.
Then I growled.


I growled.

Within 2 strides I was behind the lady and I felt like some crazed, primal animal making a noise that I cannot re-create if you paid me. The lady looked at me with huge, wide eyes then, literally, ran away. She. Ran. Away.
No words were needed between the two of us.

All that was Hilda. Not me. And I was so grateful for her in that instance. I needed her.

So, it turns out egos aren't always a**holes. If you can differentiate your true self from your ego self then life becomes a whole lot easier. Learn to utilize your ego for good, rather than a vehicle for your insecurities and bad mojo to get around, and I promise doors will open for you, my friends.

...and end rant.


  1. Wow. Double wow. I can really relate. I'm an old introvert. By choice I do not seek the company of a lot of people. I adore my few friends and of course my children. I never thought I needed another persona but it is an interesting idea. As a mother, I think my other persona would be an animal. A really scary one. You have given me a lot to think about. My kids are grown and have kids but if someone were to harm any one of them I still think I would be a mama bear.

    1. quality over quantity, my friend. I can so relate.

  2. I love this post. I mean, LOVE this post! I am trying to be a social coach for people that want to feel more confident in social settings, and I talk to people about this a lot! Everyone has two selves, and you can be your alter self once in awhile if you need to be. Seriously Wes, you read my mind! And I am glad you brought Hilda out on that lady! (:

    1. haha thank you! and i was happy to bring her out, too. i mean, its not like had a choice in that instance, but its always fun to walk away from a situation shaking your head at how out of the normal you can find yourself sometimes.

  3. What are some of the books you've been reading about introverts?? Sounds a lot like me as I've become older--I would love to read up on some of this!!

    1. i started just googling the definition of an introvert after i was in a group setting and someone yelled out that i was shy, then another friend said, "no way, if you knew her she's not shy at all..she an introvert."

      then i heard of a book called, QUIET: The Power of Introverts and read it from cover to cover. pretty interesting

  4. Not sure how I found your blog but I love it. That end bit is just it- everyone has an ego, learn to use it for good. Nicely written!

    1. yup...everyone does. a lot of people are either totally unaware of their ego, or always trying to suppress their ego. Its still apart of you--so its hard to surpress yourself at all times. learning to utilize is the way to go!

  5. I absolutely have a "Hilda" that I use when I have to get on stage or talk in front of strangers. Glad I'm not the only one! My Hilda came out a few days ago when a homeless guy tried to grab my dog. Of course I was shaking as soon as I walked into my house, but until I reached the door Hilda was in control!


  6. Hi, I love to read as well. I would love to know which books you read and loved and that also had a huge impact on you. I'm always looking for great books. I'm about to start the book called "Super Brain" by Deepak Chopra. I also really love the books by Mike Dooley, Leveraging the Universe, Infinite Possibilities, and Manifesting Change. Have you ever heard of Notes from the Universe? Those are sent by this author. You can check it out at :)


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